Stranger

Who are you?
Stranger.
Crashing into my black and white life.
Wrecking my
Routines
You put a
hole in my road
Ask me to fall
with you.

Stranger,
I don't know you
Your background is covered
by a curtain
of velvet
Your thoughts
Flanked
By walls as high as the sky

Talk to me,
Stranger.
Why are you here?
What good can I give you?
Why do you stay?

Stranger,
tell me your name.

Go

Maybe I should go

Solitude.

I stand alone
Cold, shivering
Left to wither in this cold, dying world
So alone,
The emptiness
Eating me inside out
The silence
How shrill it has become

You were the only one
I gave you my heart
The one I fell before
And I opened my heart for you
For you to peer in,
For you to love
For you to caress

But you grabbed a handful
And tore
Ripped
Slaughtered

I lay on the floor
A hole through my chest
Sliced open
Dripping bloody red
Droplets on my cheek
Tears or blood

Tick toc tick toc
Gone gone gone

.

Maybe it's better this way.

In My Fading Memory

In my fading memory
I see your warm smile
Bright as morning
Sweet as honey
In the dim light
I see it
Radiating
And twinkle
Under the night sky

In my fading memory
I feel your touch
Gentle like feathers
Light as gossamer
Your fingertips
Trail across my skin
Over my lips
Brush my cheeks

In my fading memory
I see your tears
Roll down your red,
Beautiful
Soft
Cheeks
And as they fall
Your outstretched hands
Reach towards me the very last time

In my fading memory
Your everything
Is gone.

You and I

I've neatly put away all the memories of you and I,
All stored in order in a small cardboard box,
And slid into the corner of my closet,
Beginning to gather dust.
I've put a lock on the cardboard box,
One that has to be opened with a key.
I threw the key down the drain,
Never to be found again.

I've buried the memories of you and I,
All shoved into a small glass jar,
Dropped into a dug hole,
And covered up with dirt and soil.
Seasons come and seasons go,
I've forgotten where it was buried.
The flower that used to mark its spot,
Dead now, leaves no trace.

I've burnt the memories of you and I,
Throwing them into a fire,
Watching them shrivel,
Turn black and into dust.
No way was there to retrieve,
No way was there to stop.
All of it gone,
Dust and ashes.

I've cried all the memories of you and I,
My tears falling stream by stream,
Mixing with the pouring rain,
Silent in its sanctuary.
Down they fall onto the ground,
Soaked up by the grass and land.
And it was then that I asked,
Did the tears belong to me or the sky?

I've forgotten all the memories of you and I,
The ones where we laughed,
The ones where we cried,
The ones where we loved.
I've pushed them all into a far away place,
For no one to find.
And my mind is blank,
As I wave goodbye.


I've neatly put away all the memories of you and I.

The way to gather a crowd - inspired by Rascal Flatt's Why

I'm wondering why, on this sunny, cloudless day, why are we all gathered here dressed in black? And why, why are we listening to people who can barely gasp a breath between their tears to try to talk about someone who they love deeply? And why is this the way you decided to gather the crowd for one last time?

And as I try to blink away the tears, I raise my head to look up at the blue, blue sky. Why, oh why, did you leave the stage in the middle of a song?

Standing at the podium, I face the crowd that you've gathered. I remember the kinds of crowd you used to gather - the ones that would cheer at your games, the ones that would support you till the very last minute. But look what's in front of me now. They're supposed to be gathered here for you, and not listen to other people talk about you and cry and blubber as they try to push their way through their incoherent speeches. And as I try to do the same thing, I see all our memories flash in front of my eyes - your smile, your voice, your smell, your touch. I feel myself grab onto the edges of the podium, the only thing linking me to reality as I hear myself ask over and over again why oh why oh why.

I have once...

Don't kiss me baby
We can never be
So don't add more pain
Please don't hurt me again
I have
Spent so many
Nights thinking of you
Longing for your touch
I have once loved you so much

As I'm sitting here, typing away, I'm wondering if I should stay and wait or move on. If this was just another joke you were going to pull on me. If I can trust you all over again. And as much as I try to pull myself away, disengage myself, you keep making me come back for more. But oh it hurts, it hurts to know that we can never be, because you're on the other side of the world. I want to be with you though, so dearly. I want to crawl onto your lap and snuggle under your chin and fall asleep with your arms around me. I don't know how many nights I've spent, staring at the ceiling, imagining. Imagining what would've been, and what could've been, what might've been. The time when I loved you so dearly and close to my heart, and the feeling I have for you now - a maze, a knot, a struggle. So if you'd be so kind and tell me if it's worth waiting...

I've onced loved you

So, so much.

Remember me

Some verses from Iron & Wine's Trapeze Swinger

Please, remember me
Happily
The time when
We counted every black car passing
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range,
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like 'We'll meet again'
And 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their gray
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter's
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'
And

Please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of G-d and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers

...and somehow I knew.

How I needed you
How I grieve now you're gone
In my dreams I see you
I awake so alone

I could hear my heart pounding
Silently, harshly, against my chest
And in the death of the night
I thought I saw you beside my bed

I know you didn't want to leave
Your heart yearned to stay
But the strength I always loved in you
Finally gave way

And as I watched you go
Slip away from between my fingers
I saw the door to your heart
Closing shut

Somehow I knew you would leave me this way
Somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
And my being

Now my insides are hollow
You've dug through my heart
Yanked it out
And threw it to the floor

In my dreams I can see you
I can tell you how I feel
In my dreams I can hold you
And it feels so real

But when I awake
The illusion fades
One side of the bed is made and cold
As I try to hold onto my dreams

I still feel the pain
I still feel your love
I still feel the pain
I still feel your love

And God how it hurts
To see your smile fade away
Your smell and touch and warmth
Leave me day by day

And somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And somehow I knew you would leave me
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
Oh I wish, I wish you could have stayed

In or Out.

Oh love.
Tell me where we are right now.
Are we in or are we out.
Or are we not one at all.
Can I call this love,
Or have you left me to dust?
Are we licking at each other's wounds,
Or is there really a spark?
Are we merely trying to satisfy each other's desires,
Or is that a form of love?
Oh love.
I know I've broken your heart before,
And I'm desperately trying to pick up the pieces.
You then said you loved me,
And I thought I was on the right track,
But there it ended, there was no more.
There were no more little whispers of secret
No more occasional sweet words
No more cuddles, small kisses, or a long, long hug.
And those little things which mean so much,
Is taken over by sexual desires to be satisfied.
Oh love, oh sweet, sweet love,
You know how insecure I am,
You know how jealous I get.
If you leave me now,
Then just leave me now.
If you stay,
Say to me those three words, just once, once
And I'll throw myself into your arms.
Oh love,
Truth hurts, and lies even more
I can't bear to see you laugh with the other girls
So tell me love, tell me now
Do you love me?
Are we in or are we out,
Or are we not one at all?